


the way that the years pass

by caramel_kisses



Category: The Mortal Instruments (Movies), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Feelings, Fluff, I'm Sorry, M/M, Memories, Old Age, Sad, Sweet, True Love, death tw, sort of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-21
Packaged: 2018-09-24 19:16:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,535
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9781280
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramel_kisses/pseuds/caramel_kisses
Summary: In which an old man with faded runes and sparkling blue eyes turns up at Magnus' doorstep with an apology and decades of missed memories.





	1. the lonely kind of quiet

**Author's Note:**

> songs I listened to while writing  
> miley cyrus - giving you up  
> johnny cash - hurt  
> avril lavine - when you're gone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm sorry," coughed the old man. His voice was weak but it was the only sound that truly drove away the silence that had been haunting Magnus for years.
> 
> // newly edited

Magnus' apartment was dark. It had been for many years now. He was in a loft in Brooklyn, because he always seemed to circle back to the place. The warlock wasn't sure what he was expecting to find there. He'd searched through every square inch of this apartment looking for closure, looking for a reason why everything had fallen apart. But there is never really a reason when things that seemed perfect vanish, they just leave and you have to continue. Such was the curse of immortality. The curse of always being the one left behind. But after nearly five hundred years that was okay.

So Magnus sat, perched on his expensive couch drinking expensive wine and he was okay. The room around him was resoundingly empty. The night sky was silent outside his large windows, the city sounds muted by the glass, and it was as if the silence had its own spirit. As if it had a dark power, infecting Magnus with the silence. There was a time, decades ago, when he tried to battle the silence of the night with parties and people but that was decades ago. These days he was tired of fighting the silence, so the pair had become more than acquainted. Sometimes Magnus wondered if the silence was the only thing that had truly been his constant companion, and to think of how many years he'd spent making quiet the enemy. It was a shame, in many ways.

None of the other companions he kept were around like this. He had hundreds of humans that he had loved, and he had fellow downworlders, even the occasional Nephilim. Some had been forces of good in his life, like Ragnor Fell, some less so like Camille Belcourt but there had been countless that had made some impression on him. Countless people had gone into the making of his personality. He'd always credited these others for creating him, but recently he'd wondered if it wasn't the silence had changed him the most. Silence was what crafted a person into their truest selves. How someone handled silence, the way that they could dance with nighttime was likely the most important part of a person.

Magnus had been telling himself this since he lost the only sound that had ever mattered to him. It was as if the world went silent that day when he came home to everything different and only a few scrawled out sentences to explain why. Music wasn't music anymore after that, and everyone's chatter became no better than white noise from that day onward. No noise mattered anymore when the most beautiful sound he'd ever heard was gone. So he'd learned to live with the white noise and started to relish the quiet. Memories sounded the most beautiful against silence anyways.

The sound that broke the silence was abrasive on Magnus' ears. It was the sound of his doorbell ringing. Years ago, what felt like lifetimes ago, he loved the ring, but now he couldn't imagine who it was. His friends had dwindled and none of them visited him here anymore. Most of his friends had moved away from this city, to places like Paris or Prague. New York had become boring in the recent years. The nightlife had become too much grit, and too little extravagance. Only Magnus seemed to return to this place very often. Some called it sentiment, others self-punishment. Magnus agreed with both. He just couldn't stay away.

Magnus debated letting the person give up but the sound came a second, then a third time and Magnus knew he could hardly ignore it. He stood up slowly and padded across to the door. He stood in front of the door for a moment, still wanting to just ignore it. The dark wood stared back at him, offering mystery and annoyance. It was silent, and plain but held a promise of something new. This promise of newness was once something that Magnus chased blindly but lately, the warlock had been wondering if there was anything new that was better than the past. He was yet to find anything that made the past make sense, or justified it.

The doorbell rang a fourth time, forcing Magnus to open it and confront the newness. The door swung open to reveal an old man. He was dressed in black pants and a black sweater. His shoulders were broad but hunched. His neck was pale with a faint black marking. Magnus could tell he used to be tall but these days his spine was starting to curl over itself. The man looked down, giving Magnus a full view of his balding head. Wrapped around a black cane, was a bony hand covered loosely in pale, thin looking skin decorated with blue veins and age spots. There was a slight quiver in the way he left the stick, and Magnus knew he couldn't kick the man out, but he couldn't understand why he was on his front step either.

Magnus was about to say something when the man looked up. There was fear, and regret in his cloudy eyes. The old man looked at him like he was a figment from a dream he wasn't sure if he should even be having. Magnus met him with golden eyes that he hadn't even thought to glamor. The two shared a moment of silence that was unlike the lonesome quiet that Magnus had been sharing a bottle of wine with just moments before. This quiet was filled with a sense of expectancy. This silence begged to be broken, but neither man seemed fully ready to speak. The silence stretched on for a long moment. The older man's silence was filled with doubt and turmoil while the warlock's silence was formed of confusion as he tried to understand.

"I'm sorry," coughed the old man. His voice was weak but it was the only sound that truly drove away the silence that had been haunting Magnus for years.


	2. the lonely kind of life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Alexander, I forgive you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I left some details out of Alec's life to avoid spoilers for anyone who hasn't read the books so hopefully no one minds that.\
> 
> songs listened to  
> nelly - just a dream  
> we are the kings - sad song

"Alexander?" asked the warlock, his voice cracking with emotion. A part of him didn't want to believe that this weary, elderly man was really his Alexander. He remembered the man when he was the head of the New York Institute, and when he was far from needing a cane to walk. But those blue eyes were the same, if not cloudier. Unfortunately, Magnus had little time to ponder this because the man--er Alexander--took a step into the loft and collapsed. He jumped to catch the man and helped him to the couch, the door swinging shut behind them with a soft slam.

Alec was laid across the dark blue silk of the couch, and his former lover crouched beside him. Magnus' blue magic swirled frantically, searching for some wound or illness to cure. The spirals of power were in vain, as the ailment that was plaguing Alec was old age. That couldn't be fixed with anything but the darkest of magic and while the temptation tugged at the back of Magnus' mind he knew that Alec wouldn't have approved. Instead, he would want Magnus to just lose him, again. Unable to cure Alec but unwilling to do nothing, the magic that flowed from the warlock's fingertips teased at Alec's brain, pulling out the memories that were flashing by as Alec remembered his life.

The scenes played out in his living room. First Magnus watched, with bated breath, as young Alec sparred with his sister Isabelle. A large part of him hurt for the young child whose innocence was slashed with the blades and arrows he was given not long after he learned to walk. He watched the eleven-year-old meet ten-year-old Jace Wayland. Magnus watched the way Alec held himself, restrained, even then. But he also watched the way Jace's playful petulance broke down that wall. He could watch both friendship and a secret, repressed romance form. If watching Alec grow up too quickly hurt Magnus then watching Alec try to swallow his feelings surely broke his heart. The pain was far worse than even the worst rejection; Magnus watched on as young Alec felt the agony of a child trying desperately to rewrite a perceived error in their coding.

Magnus felt everything as Alec's life flashed by. He felt his heart grow after the parabatai rune was drawn on. He felt the anger towards the men that broke young Izzy's heart and the burning rage towards the one that dared lay a hand on her. Knowing that she'd made him look worse than she did failed to quench the rage and he watched Jace and Alec track down and beat the guy up again. Magnus watched hundreds of demons burst under a perfectly timed arrow and he watched the countless more arrows sink into practice targets. He watched a cold mother and absent father force the sibling bond to strengthen further.

Soon he saw himself. He watched Alec's heart race when he brushed Jace off and instead pointed to Alec. Magnus watched as his fear from that night was confirmed: Alec's surprise was based in eighteen years of being the dependable one, of always being somehow less than Jace despite actual abilities. He watched a lifetime of living in Jace's shadows and being okay with it because Alec agreed that Jace was the sun. Then he watched himself talking to Alec and slowly, very slowly, he watched Alec question a lifetime of refusing to be the main character in even his own life. He watched Alexander stop an entire wedding for Magnus, but more for himself than anything. Magnus watched Alec fall in love with him.

The scene that unfolded before him was familiar. He saw his own bedroom, through Alec's sleepy eyes. He got a glimpse of himself sleeping, and then slowly he watched himself wake up and kiss Alec good morning. Then he heard it, the sleepy 'I love you,' followed by a racing heartbeat. He felt Alec panic for a moment before he heard himself say it back. He watched their domestic bliss unfold alongside the war on Valentine. Magnus watched as this loft became a safe place for Alec to go when nowhere else felt safe. Of course, they had their fights but he watched on as Alec stayed unconditionally devoted to Magnus, as any thoughts of Jace beyond parabatai disappeared entirely.

Watching their love was confusing, beyond anything. Alec loved him so much, but he left.

Magnus watched more happiness, until there it was. He saw Alec, aged twenty-nine. He was still a fantastic shadowhunter and was running the institute. He and Magnus had been together for eleven happy years. Magnus was bugging him about marriage and kids, he'd often wondered if that was why Alec left. He saw Alec awake in the loft alone, they'd moved in together and Magnus was out for the day. Alec had slept in, for once, and when he woke up he went to brush his teeth when he caught his reflection in the mirror.

It had just been a single grey hair.

But of course, it was so much more than a single grey hair. Alec wasn't a vain person and a single grey hair didn't send him into a fit. But that single grey hair brought back Camille's warning. It brought back the reality that he was going to grow old and die and Magnus wasn't. Alec's thoughts raced for a moment until they stilled to an eery slow. He loved Magnus, more than anything, and in his mind, that meant he couldn't let Magnus watch him grow old. As if on autopilot he packed his things and walked to the institute. He explained his plan to Izzy, his tone calm and serious. He didn't tell her anything more than he needed to know. Jace was running an institute in Las Angeles and had a running invitation for Alec to come help out.

"I can't stop you but, big brother, if you do this I know you will regret this every moment for the rest of your life. You can't just go back to how it was before you knew him, you'll spend the rest of your life missing him and wondering what would have happened if you stayed."

Those words struck both Alec and Magnus but the former wasn't to be deterred. He solemnly thanked her for her advice and packed his things. He hugged her and left for California. He greeted Jace with grins and it wasn't until he was in his room that he broke down and silently cried. Alec lived there for the rest of his life, taking it over officially the next year when Jace had a kid. It was meant to be just for a year or so while he settled into being a dad but they both found things ran better when Alec was in charge.

So Alec lived, he worked and he was an uncle to Jace and Izzy's kids. He loved them but Izzy was right, not a moment went by when his heart didn't ache for Magnus. They never talked about what had happened but no one ever bothered him to go on a date. It was a silent agreement, to let Alec spend the rest of his life mourning if that was what he needed. Even his usually loudmouthed parabatai didn't dare breach the subject.

Alec returned to New York in the same way that Magnus did. Both of them came and went secretly, and both of them felt like they were being stabbed in the heart every time they passed somewhere that the two had gone together. Alec only went when Luke told him Magnus wasn't in town. His greatest fear was running into the warlock. He wasn't sure what he thought would happen, really. He didn't know if he just didn't want to have to explain himself or if he feared that upon seeing Magnus he would be unable to do anything but beg the warlock to take him back, thus defeating the purpose.

As Alec aged and couldn't go on missions he started teaching young children, and he was okay. His heart was missing, but he still had his brain, and that was enough, in a way. He told himself that it was enough every night, like a prayer, because Magnus watched as Alec never stopped hurting. The pain only increased when Jace died three years ago, gouging what little happiness he retained and turning him into a hollow husk of a person. He and Izzy spent a lot of time together, and that was how he lived for the past three years. But Magnus watched as Alec woke this morning, knowing that it was time for him to die. He watched his say goodbye to Izzy but be unable to settle. He watched the old man stagger through a portal and to New York, watched him slowly work his way up the stairs, refusing the elevator. Watched him move, against his better judgement, to the door and ring the bell.

Magnus didn't realize he was crying when Alec's eyes shifted open. He was unable to even speak, and his breathing was labored

"Alexander, I forgive you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, I may have teared up writing that. hopefully you guys like it! let me know if you did. thanks for reading.


End file.
